When we think of the loveable brother, sister combo of Jack and Jill, we think of pails of water and stumbling down hills––a story told to children, but the truth is far more sinister. Jack, a notorious ladies man, and Jill––who worked for one of the largest mob organisations on the west coast of Nursery Rhyme––were nothing more than thugs whose story got lost in the waves of history. The files will tell you that they fell down the hill, but the truth will make you rethink what you read to your children at night.

Jack and Jill – The Lie.

Jack and Jill - The Lie.

 

This is the true crime story of Jack and Jill.

Warning, if you are a resident of Nursery Rhyme, some of this story may shock and concern you.

On the night of the Fluffy Rabbit murders, Jack was just dropping his latest conquest home, Little Bo Peep––a rather innocent girl he charmed as she struggled to find her missing sheep––when a dripping wet Jill came stumbling out of the shadows. His first reaction was of course that she had gone swimming in the lake by her house and due to the heat, had simply forgone taking off her clothes. But upon further inspection, he noticed three balls of cotton on the collar of her rather revealing top.   

Dismissing his date in a very Jack sort of way, with a slap on the backside and a wink, he quickly proceeded to approach his very distraught looking sister. That’s when the knife fell to the ground.

‘I’ve killed them,’ she said, with no more force than a child. ‘The little Fluffy Rabbits, they’re all dead. I pulled their stuffing out.’ Jack said nothing, how could he, he’d grown up with Fluffy Fluffy Rabbit Jr, the son of Fluffy Rabbit, one of his late fathers drinking buddies. It had been years since he had seen him, Nursery Rhyme was a very large place, but to know he’d had his stuffing removed made his insides churn.

‘Why?’ Was all he could manage.

‘Baa Baa of the Black Sheep crime family, he hired me to rough them up, but things went wrong.’ She held her face in her hands. ‘Fluffy Rabbit came home and tried to fight. After that everything went black. When I woke up … there was cotton everywhere. So much cotton.’

Jack swallowed down the bile that was rising up his throat. ‘Did anyone see you?’

A slow nod. She explained that one of the neighbours had come out to see what all the commotion was about.

‘When they saw all the cotton …’

‘Who?’

‘Cock a Doodle Doo,’ she whispered.

‘What did you do?’

She sighed. ‘Let’s just say they won’t find much more than a few feathers.’

He’d always known his sister was a little crazy, always seen that spark of menace in her eyes, but this, this was far worse than he could ever have imagined. But it was his sister, he had no choice but to protect her. After all, didn’t he too have some very nasty demons lurking inside of him. It was a family trait, one they’d inherited from their father. He found his composure and said, as gently as he could under the circumstances, ‘Did you clean up the scene?’

Shock horror. She’d been in such a state that she’d forgotten. She’d slipped in a puddle of water by the house and had been so annoyed that she’d ruined her new jeans, that she’d completely bypassed the clean up.

‘We have to get back over there and dispose of the evidence before the Five Little Ducks arrive and put two and two together. The Five Little Ducks, the towns most feared detectives, they had not once failed to solve a case, not once failed to apprehend the criminals they chased. They were merciless in their duties, duties that often saw, to the frustration of their captain––Simple Simon, his name did not do him justice––their interrogations go a little too far. 

But by the time they reached Fluffy Rabbit Burrow, it was too late, they were already there. Bread crumbs had been scattered around the scene, which was a sign that the ducks were doing their business. From the bushes, Jack and Jill could see them pecking at all the loose cotton and feathers scattered around the front yard. It would seem they were starting outside before moving in. Sirens blared around the Burrow and Mayor Humpty Dumpty was already at the scene. He was talking to Nursery Rhyme News, his face cracked and grave. They snuck closer to listen:

‘We can confirm that the Fluffy Rabbit family and Cock a Doodle Doo have been found dismantled,’ he said. ‘We can not be sure but we believe, from preliminary reports, that the crime may have something to do with the Black Sheep crime family. The ducks don’t have a motive yet, but with their innate ability to peck out and form suspects, we are sure that Nursery Rhyme will be safe again in no time.’ He waved away the rest of the waiting press insisting that further statements would ensue when they had more to go on.

‘We have to get you out of Nursery Rhyme, Jill, the ducks never miss.’ Jack looked pale, his eyes focusing solely now on his sister. ‘We have no choice.’

‘There’s always a choice, dear brother. By helping me you are an accomplice.’

He hadn’t thought of that. In Nursery Rhyme that was just as bad as committing the crime––the sentence just as long.

‘If we’re going away anyway, why don’t we go away smiling?’

That was the start of a crime wave that spanned the best part of a decade. Murder, theft, bank robbery, the pair evaded not only the ducks but the Black Sheep crime family as they cut a path through the normally quiet city. It had started with Jill but Jack, who had never allowed his dark-side to surface, became twisted and nasty. They became the most notorious pair in Nursery Rhyme history.

On the thirteenth of July, twelve years after it had started, it all came to a head.

After the town had come to a standstill to watch, for the very first time, a cow successfully propelled over the moon, a historic day for not only the cows of the world but everyone in Nursery Rhyme, the five ducks noticed, whilst watching their televisions, two familiar faces in the crowd of the launch. Getting straight on the phone to Humpty, the Twinkle Twinkle swat team was called in to surround the area. As the crowd dispersed the launch area, all hell broke loose.

‘This is Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, we know you’re in there,’ the star with the megaphone proclaimed. ‘Jack and Jill, we have you surrounded. Come out with your hands on your heads and we will not open fire.’

Jack, turning to Jill said, ‘We’ve had a good run, sis, shall we go out with a bang?’

Her smile was that of a woman who had seen enough violence for a lifetime and was ready to go. Her nod of approval was all that Jack needed. Brushing down his pin-striped suit, he pulled a pair of tommy guns from a bag he had at his feet and handed one to Jill.

They didn’t give Twinkle Twinkle a chance. They opened fire, slowly backing away to the hilly forest at their backs. That’s when an unsuspected plan began to form in Jack’s mind:

‘If we can get through the forest, we might have a chance,’ he said. ‘Just keep firing. When I say … run.’ After what felt like an eternity, both of their guns ran out of bullets. At least three of the Twinkle Twinkle squad appeared to be injured and one civilian lay in the middle of the field holding his shoulder––Georgie Porgie, who used to be one of Jack’s wing men back in the day. But as was the case with Jack, Georgie Porgie would often kiss the girls before eventually making them cry. Jack hesitated at the sight of his old friend in pain, but a tug on his shoulder from Jill brought him back.

‘We have to run. Jack … leave him.’

He turned, his face blank.

‘We have to run or we have to die, which will it be?’

Jack, finally seeing his death through his sister’s eyes, took a deep breath and said, so softly it nearly came out in a whisper, ‘Run. We run.’ And run they did. Through Lucky Locket Forest and all the way through to Red Rover Hill. Pursued by Twinkle Twinkle and the Five Little Ducks, Jack and Jill came to a well at the top of the hill.

‘Jack we need to stop, I need a drink or I’ll die of thirst.’ They had time, they had created a space between themselves and the pigs. The Three Little Pigs had joined the chase, but after a short distance had fallen back with the others. They had not been the same since the Wolf, who Jack and Jill had done a number of bank jobs with, had decided to blow down their houses.

Deciding they had time, Jack lowered the pail of water to the bottom and brought it back up as quickly as he could. ‘Quickly, drink, but not too much, you’ll get a stitch.’ Jill did as she was told, only sipping the water.

However, unbeknownst to the pair, what they had clearly not counted on, was that the Black Sheep crime family had hired a mercenary to track them and at that very moment, he lay in wait on the top of Nursery Rhyme Peak––he had his gun aimed and ready.

Jack took a swill of the water and as he lowered it back into the well, he heard the gun shot. It hit him before he knew what was happening. Jack holding his chest, hovered for a moment at the top of the hill, clutching for his sister’s hand, before finally, with a faint cackle, he tumbled down the hill in a heap. At the base of the hill he hit the crown at the back of his head on a rock and it cracked open like an egg. Jill, still screaming after her brother, had hardly moved an inch when the second bullet found its mark, she did as Jack did and fell in a heap down the hill.

When the Ducks and the Twinkle Twinkle arrived, they lay on top of each other at the base of the hill, dead. Twelve years of crime over in a heartbeat. The notorious Jack and Jill had finally been brought down by the crime family that had inadvertently set them on their path.   

Years passed and the legend of Jack and Jill grew and changed. They had started as common criminals, but when whispers take place, stories change. Somewhere along the line Jack and Jill went from murderers and thieves, to heroes out to stick it to the tyrannical Nursery Rhyme Government. In the end no one knows the entire truth, or why the brother-sister combo did what they did, all we know for sure was that Jack and Jill went up a hill to fetch a pail of water, Jack fell down and broke his crown and Jill came tumbling after.

The shooter was never named.

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